


Impossible Truths

by Artemis1000



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Established Relationship, Lies, M/M, Robot/Human Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 17:10:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13345731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis1000/pseuds/Artemis1000
Summary: “Why couldn’t you just tell me the truth, Cassian?”Cassian opened his mouth, he waited for the words to come because they had never failed him before, because he had been trained to think of all the right things to say to talk himself out of trouble and he was far too desperate today not to use all the skills at his disposal.And yet when it mattered most he couldn’t think of a single pleasant lie.





	Impossible Truths

**Author's Note:**

> misskatieleigh sent me the prompt of _"Why can't you just tell me the truth?"_ from a list of angsty writing prompts a while ago. I finally remembered that I had written a very typo-riddled draft for this and decided to polish the thing.
> 
> Spoilery content advice at the end.

He had known the day would come.

He had just hoped he would be given a little longer, yet as he stepped out of the U-Wing K-2 was waiting for him, his usual slouch replaced by an Imperial straightness to his stance which immediately told Cassian that he was in trouble.

He barely took the time to lead Cassian to a quieter part of the hangar, where they would have as much privacy as you could find anywhere on Yavin’s Massassi Base.

Then he rounded on him, optics too bright, his stance still too stiff for comfort.

“Why couldn’t you just tell me the truth, Cassian?”

Cassian opened his mouth, he waited for the words to come because they had never failed him before, because he had been trained to think of all the right things to say to talk himself out of trouble and he was far too desperate today not to use all the skills at his disposal.

And yet when it mattered most he couldn’t think of a single pleasant lie.

He snapped his mouth shut, staggered back half a step as if distance could buy him time. K-2’s optics still burned into him. “I…”

There should have been encouragement, he thought with almost hysterical desperation. Why wasn’t K-2 encouraging him? He was always so tender with Cassian when he couldn’t find the right words to voice his fears or his desires. He was so sweet. He was petty, at times downright mean to everyone else but he was so unbelievably sweet and tender with Cassian.

Now his optics just burned into him and he didn’t even try to bridge the distance between them.

Cassian felt his breath come harder, he had to fight to take sharp raspy breaths which were starting to feel suspiciously wet. “I didn’t lie. I…“ He struggled for excuses still and felt self-loathing choke him as he realized what he was doing. K-2 deserved so much better. “It isn’t what you think it is.”

That at least was true. K-2 would, as would any partner, suspect the conspicuous absences to be Cassian cheating on him, once he figured out that he had been lying about being sent on solo missions. Cassian had always known that would happen and that when it happened, he would have to keep up this new pretense to replace the old one.

It was better K-2 thought him unfaithful than the truth. He might hate him for the lie, but the truth would be so much worse.

“I guess I’m just not used to telling the truth,“ he forced out weakly.

There was a long, pointed silence, before K-2 said, “You promised you would.”

The wetness threatened to choke him. There was a coldness to K-2’s voice now. No. Not coldness. A bone-deep hurt – betrayal – which amounted to the same thing.

He didn’t need to run any strategical analyses to know how this would end. He knew. This was the price he had been willing to pay. He just didn’t know how to divert the path without diverting it onto a worse one. He barely felt his fingers anymore. He felt numb and breathing was becoming so hard.

He couldn’t stand to look at K-2 any longer.

“I did.“

He had. They had. It had been the one golden rule Cassian had sworn to honor the day he permitted himself to love K-2. He had truly believed he could. Just one rule. Don’t deceive him. Have one single thing in your life that was real. Just one. No lies, no half-truths,  just all the frightening brutal honesty they were capable of. It had been so frightening.

They had been so happy.

He inhaled shakily. The wetness had crept up to his nose.

He held his breath for a moment. He knew he wouldn’t shatter in front of K-2. He was too good at deception. It was what he counted on today.

“I will always lie, Kay. It’s who I am.“

K-2 remained perfectly still, even his fans barely hummed anymore. “You are a terrible liar.“ He sounded so distant. As if he were berating someone he didn’t even like.

K-2 turned around and walked away.

_I know. You deserve better._

He didn’t say it out loud. If he did K-2 would stay. If he did, he would soften and eventually forgive him, and then he would start asking questions again. Questions which Cassian couldn’t afford to answer.

He watched K-2 leave and kept telling himself that the kindest thing he could do for him was to let him walk away.

With K-2 gone the hangar was deserted. Cassian remained rooted to the spot until bright dayshift illumination gave way to the dimmer light that indicated night cycles.

In the dim light, the hangar was full of shadows.

Cassian sank to the ground hidden in the shadows behind a stack of boxes, a little world separated from the rest of the hangar. He curled up, knees tucked close to his chest, head buried in his arms. Small shudders ran through his body, even now subtle so as not to give away more than need be.

The last time he had been curled up like this K-2 had found him with the blaster still in his hands and tears running down his face. It was the day Cassian had thrown caution to the wind and permitted himself to love.

The tears came slowly, it had been so long that he had almost forgotten how to let himself cry. They flowed faster after a while but still noiselessly. He had indeed forgotten how to cry without hiding his tears.

K-2 didn’t come.

**Author's Note:**

> Content Advice: Assumption of cheating (no actual cheating.) Unhappy ending.
> 
> The most difficult part of writing this is what exactly happened that Cassian didn't want to tell Kay, so I worked around it - but I kinda like the idea that it is him being involved in Black Ops missions that go against official rebel orders or ethics, and he doesn't want Kay to be implicated if it ever gets out and he has to suffer the consequences.


End file.
